Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize