I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
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I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
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On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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