Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
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i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
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Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize