I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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