Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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