I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
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He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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