Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize