why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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