They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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