and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
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The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
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you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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