I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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