I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
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Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
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Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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