I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
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Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
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I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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