i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
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Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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