I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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