Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
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Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
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I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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