i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize