Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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