I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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