what day is it and did you see me today?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize