you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
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I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
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As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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