We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize