He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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