wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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