I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize