One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just pee around me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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