I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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