I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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