i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize