see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize