She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize