i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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