you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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