So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
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she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
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And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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