There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
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he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
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My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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