Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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