I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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