God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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