mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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