I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
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I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We left the knife in your bed.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
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One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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