So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
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thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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