i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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