just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
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I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
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Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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