He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
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My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't deserve a penis
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
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they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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