i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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