Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
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I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
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idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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