How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize