He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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