You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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