tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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